...and I'll cry if I want to. Tonight I am throwing myself my very own pity party. Sounds fun, huh?

I'm feeling down and really disappointed in myself. (Just an FYI- NO this is not a cry for help, just some writing therapy!) I'm sure we've all been there. Fell back in to some old (bad) habits, let our self go, just been sailing through life without any advancement. That's where I am tonight.

I feel like a failure. There are so many things I've done to try and better myself. But old habits are hard to break. I feel like I let myself get out of control. Not that I'm running around doing dangerous things or the likes. But I'm tightly wound and a control freak. I don't like when I feel as if I'm losing control of my emotions, my actions, my wants. I don't like when the dark side of me rules my choices. When you know that you shouldn't do something, but you do it anyways.

I know I'm being vague. But along with my disappointment in myself comes embarrassment in my choices. Just a side note, I'm not doing anything illegal!!! One of the things I'm disappointed in is my bad choices when it comes to eating. My yo-yo dieting. I overindulge in things I shouldn't and I've let my body pay the price. Besides that, I lack all motivation to actually exercise! I joined a gym a couple years back and worked out everyday for a year. I felt GREAT!!! I made the time for myself and really felt fit. Then, I lost motivation.

So tonight, I'm going to regroup, recharge, and re-prioritize. I'm going to get back on the path I need to be on.