Last day of school

Today is my baby girl’s last day of kindergarten. In a lot of ways, her first year of Catholic school has been harder than her first year of life. We have had a myriad of changes to contend with. Most have been good, some have made us a grow, some have taught us what we want to strive not to be or do. Without a doubt, I want to get organized over the summer and have a much better routine in place for first grade!

One of the biggest things I noticed, and I spent time with other parents/friends talking about, was how spiteful and two-faced some of the kids could be. I am lucky in that I can work part time, which lets me volunteer in the school library and go on field trips with the kids occasionally. I see the kids when they aren’t always at their best. When they don’t let everyone play, or say mean things, or dare another student to be mean to someone. I’ve been the parent that dries tears when my daughter was left out. I’m not going to sit here and act like I’m Mother Theresa. I know I am not a role model when it comes to be the nicest person on the planet. But that’s my point. As I was talking to a friend about this, the realization hit me in the face like a two by four. Where do they learn this behavior? Where are they finding these mean words to say to each other?? Us!

I am so dang guilty of sitting down with my sister, my friends, or my husband and venting. While I try to make sure my kids are out of ear shot if it’s about stuff they shouldn’t hear, I don’t always think cover my words when I talk about work, or bad drivers, or fill in the blank of whatever you may complain about while making supper. I do make every effort not to speak negatively about my spouse, family, teachers, classmates, classmate’s parents, etc. in front of my children. For one, they are like drunken parrots without filters. They will repeat whatever you say in front of them. Especially if you tell them to keep it a secret. Second, I don’t want my negative feelings towards someone to effect how they feel about them. And third, they don’t understand adult issues; They are not adults. Pretty simple. But they do realize that when I get together with another adult, we talk. And we usually end up talking about other people, be it people we know, politicians, musicians, actors, etc. Makes you think about the quote that is usually attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, doesn’t it? “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.


So my resolution this summer is to be kinder in my words and my deeds. When I talk, I want to be able to discuss big ideas and have grand adventures. I want to laugh and explore with my kids. I want to discuss things that matter and teach them we don’t have to like everyone, but we should be kind to them. 
Image result for psalm 141:3

Yesterday was a full day. We had PT for T at home, done by the school district. I don't know if I ever explained this, but we have a team of sorts, provided from the school district we live in. When you have a child that is declared disabled or is born under special circumstances, such as prematurely or under distress and they are put in the NICU, their name gets passed along to the county to be placed in a birth to 3 program. At least in Minnesota and I'm sure I'm explaining it in the crudest of terms. The county follows up with you once you are discharged from the hospital and offers to send a nurse out to help with well checks. Once they do that, they can assess for all different kinds of services, like physical therapy, occupation therapy, nursing services, etc. It has been both a HUGE blessing and a pain in the ass. Don't get me wrong, I would not trade it for the world. The resources these people have, the work they do, it's invaluable. The stress of trying to fit in another appointment, making sure the house is clean, putting on a bra and getting dressed... it can be overwhelming at times.:)

Then we were finally able to get him into the physical therapist's office here in town. We waited 3 weeks for this appointment. We have been trying to get a walker for him since February when he was evaluated at the spina bifida clinic by both his specialist and the physiologist for one. They gave us a prescription for a reverse walker and viola! We get a walker. Right? Nope. We went to Gillettes and they wouldn't measure him for one without evaluating him. We went to the rehab place in our town and the same thing. We couldn't get one from a medical supply store without a physical therapist ordering it. So we went to this appointment, waited over an hour for them to evaluate him, and we're told they weren't "comfortable" letting him walk because of how his legs turn in. My son has already had two surgeries on his feet. He wears AFOs and twister cables to (help) keep his legs and feet in correct alignment. They don't always keep them facing forward. That's why he needs more PT. The physical therapist recommended higher bracing, a gait trainer, and some other things. Mama bear came out. I asked how many children they see with SB. Well, he's our first. (I hear that A LOT around here.) "Okay... I'm going to call his specialist. And his orthopedist. We'll get back to you." I'm livid. Not because I don't believe what she's saying. Some of it actually did make sense. Not because she doesn't have experience with my child's condition. Everyone has a first person that "opened" their eyes to the unique challenges of a condition, so to speak. I think looking at something with fresh eyes and breaking from "it's what we do with everyone" can be helpful. I'm livid because I had my hopes up that we would have a walker ordered when we left. It's that next step to independence and normalcy for him and for us. It may not be degrading for him to crawl on a dirty floor at Target, but it will be. And the sooner we get him used to using a walker and building the muscles to walk, the better and longer he will be able to do it. So I was disappointed. I have calls out to both his specialist and his orthopedist. We will see where we go from here.

We celebrate my daughter's 6th birthday this month. She wants to go to a painting class, just me and her and paint a unicorn! I can't wait. ;)

Marriage is funny. You one day decide, well not one day, hopefully it's after a year or two of dating, that this other person is the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with. The. Rest. Of. Your. Life. The next 70 years or so, if your lucky, thanks to medical advances. That's a long fricken time to spend with one person. If you are religious, as I am, than you went through your church to get married. It most likely involved some sort of marriage classes. Let me be the first to tell you, they mean shit.

Zilch.

Nada.

It's like going through the fire drill at school. You get the jist of what is expected of you. But when it really happens, nothing is like what you practiced. Everyone is freaking out and you are just trying to make it out of the building alive. If your a decent human being, you don't trample those that fall and help anyone you can. If not, well... times like those show the world your true colors.

Unfortunately, no matter how "prepared" you think you are for marriage, you aren't. You can never account for another's actions. I made a list of qualities I wanted in a mate.You see, my parent's were never married and had a very volatile relationship. I did not want that for myself. I promised myself I would do everything in my power to have a "normal" relationship. I would be everything they weren't in life. (What kid doesn't think that of their parents?)  So, I made my checklist and if a guy didn't meet the criteria, they were not put on the long term list. What I didn't account for was a guy could meet thing on the check list and still fall short where it mattered.

What do you do when a guy is:
✔educated
✔ financially stable
✔ family orientated
✔ interested

You think, "I won the lottery", or "I don't deserve someone so normal".  I've never had normal. His parents are still married. He went to college and finished all 4 years. He owns a house.

You start noticing things. Every time you buy things for people, (your money) he makes remarks that he hopes people are as "generous" when you guys :have kids, get married, etc. It seems like he's keeping tabs on what you spend versus what others will spend on you. Now... You grew up poor. Like, dirt poor... Welfare Christmas poor. You know what it's like to literally have NOTHING in the house to eat. To depend on free lunches at school. To shop the Goodwill for your "new" school clothes. This man, he went on vacations every year. He's gone to Disneyland. His family scrimped and saved, but they were never poor. Not food shelf poor like you. He has never wondered where his next meal will come from. You don't hold it against him. But you do expect him to have a little sympathy for those that come from places he can't fathom. Yet, he keeps score.

Then you become pregnant. Or maybe your a first time dad. And your spouse is more worried about their parents being included in on the birth process than you guys experiencing it together. At first, you think, maybe this is how "normal" family's react to this. And then you talk to other people. And you find out it is not normal for your mother-in-law to be over every fricken day and to buy your first born every milestone thing. And it's perfectly normal for you to be pist about that. And when you say to stop talking baby talk, or that your child's name is ____,  please don't call them anything else, and they don't listen. Be mad. Say something. Your spouse needs to speak up, too.

Scripture calls for man to leave his parent and cling to his wife. (Genesis 2:24) If a man is unable to do this, than he is unable to spiritually fulfill his duty as a  husband. When you marry, you make the person you take as your spouse the second most important person in the world, after God. Next comes your children, then you. If you are unable, or unwilling, to make that so, than you are not ready to be married.                                                          

While my checklist had everything I though would be important to a successful marriage, it didn't take into account what I would want to make me like the person as a human being. I want someone that thinks of others before themselves. I want someone that will make me and our children #1. I want someone who seeks God in all that they do. I want someone that loves me so much that our daughter seeks to find a man like her father. I want a love our children want to emulate. I want them to know that in all they do, they were surrounded by love.

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My life- as a wife, mother, sister, caregiver, daughter, career woman- uncensored.

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Liberal Catholic. Working mom. Chronic pain warrior. Opinionated introvert. I speak fluent sarcasm. I'm married with two kids- a girl and a boy. My son was born with Spina bifida, hydrocephalus, Arnold Chiari malformation, and bilateral club feet. I may blog about food, politics, religion, medical updates, or our life in general.

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