Before I start my spring cleaning, I thought I would jump on the computer. Procrastination? Oh yeah! But I swear I will start cleaning right after this blog. Unless I decide I need to check my email and facebook just once more! LoL:)

I really like the feeling spring cleaning gives me. It's a fresh start. Letting out the old, stale air, and bringing in the fresh, fragranced air of SpRiNg! Feeling like I could eat off my floor... (feeling- not doing! I do have a dog!!) I like to declutter after the long winter. It's just a refreshing feeling.

Alright- Here I go!!!

From the time I was 10 until I was 20, I moved 15 times (that I can recall at this moment). My family averaged 8 months in one place. No one in my family was in the military during that time, either! We were just nomadic by nature, I guess. I planned on continuing in that path as an adult. When I moved from the St. Cloud area to the suburbs of the cities, I only planned on staying around a year or so. My next stop was to be Chicago. Why Chicago? No idea. I think I liked the idea of the Chicago style pizza all the time!

But, here I am. Living in the same house, same town, same state 5 years later. I finally feel like I'm putting down roots. I recognize people in the community. For anyone that has NOT lived in a two-horse town, or the same town/area your entire life, that is HUGE! I feel at home in this town. I care about this town. My house is my home. And there truly is "no place like home". This is not all roses for me, however. In my nomadic nature, I get bored being in the same place for so long. The four walls that make up my house feel confining at times. So, I go to Menards/ Home Depot and buy some paint, couch covers, new pictures for the walls, dig up and plant different plants and bushes, put in a fence... Much to my husband's dismay!

Kenny lived in the same house in the same town his entire life. He left for four school years while he went to college. When he graduated, he bought a house that now we both call home. At the end of September, he will have lived here for 7 years with the only changes made are the ones I have done. To say he doesn't like change is an understatement. In fact, it took a year for me just to be able to put a fresh coat of white (not yellow, blue, purple, or any other color) paint on the bathroom walls. I think he only said yes because there was mildewy stuff that had stained the wall above the shower! My undertaking of the basement redecorating was started when Kenny left for work so he couldn't tell me no. :)

Along with calling a place home, I've found that I really try and maintain relationships with people. In the past, when I moved, I didn't keep in touch with very many people. My unofficial motto was "new place, new people". Not that I intentionally did that, I just didn't find the time for them. I'm trying harder these days to keep in touch with the people I care about. Of course, facebook, email, blogging, and the internet in general helps with that. So if your one of the people I try to keep in contact with and meet up with once in awhile, know that I am consciously trying to keep you in my life. I will, however, only try so hard. If you constantly don't make time for me or say "I'll get back to you" and never do, you're done. I don't need more friends on facebook or a phone full of numbers I never hear from. Trust me, I do know how absolutely crazy life can be. I also know that the things in life that matter, you have to make time for.

I don't know if I'll be in this house in this town 5 years from now. I can't imagine moving too far. After finding this sense of community, I don't think I'll want to pull up roots any time soon.

...and I'll cry if I want to. Tonight I am throwing myself my very own pity party. Sounds fun, huh?

I'm feeling down and really disappointed in myself. (Just an FYI- NO this is not a cry for help, just some writing therapy!) I'm sure we've all been there. Fell back in to some old (bad) habits, let our self go, just been sailing through life without any advancement. That's where I am tonight.

I feel like a failure. There are so many things I've done to try and better myself. But old habits are hard to break. I feel like I let myself get out of control. Not that I'm running around doing dangerous things or the likes. But I'm tightly wound and a control freak. I don't like when I feel as if I'm losing control of my emotions, my actions, my wants. I don't like when the dark side of me rules my choices. When you know that you shouldn't do something, but you do it anyways.

I know I'm being vague. But along with my disappointment in myself comes embarrassment in my choices. Just a side note, I'm not doing anything illegal!!! One of the things I'm disappointed in is my bad choices when it comes to eating. My yo-yo dieting. I overindulge in things I shouldn't and I've let my body pay the price. Besides that, I lack all motivation to actually exercise! I joined a gym a couple years back and worked out everyday for a year. I felt GREAT!!! I made the time for myself and really felt fit. Then, I lost motivation.

So tonight, I'm going to regroup, recharge, and re-prioritize. I'm going to get back on the path I need to be on.

I don't have much time to write (or sleep, eat, spend time with my loved ones, read, etc), but I want to put this out there before I hit the hay. This past month has been very difficult for some people that I'm close to.

My friend and co-worker, Ana, gave birth to a baby girl today. June Marie was 8 weeks early. Ana suffered from preeclampsia and had an emergency c-section today. The baby girl weighs 3lbs, 7 oz and is expected to be in the hospital for 4 or 5 weeks. While she is breathing on her own, she has an I.V. in that is giving her total nutrition. In a week or so, they plan on switching that to a feeding tube. She has to stay in an incubation like chamber and only 2 people, besides mom and dad, can visit her a day. This situation is not only hard because of the numerous problems that can arise from being premature, but also because the mother's health is compromised. And of course, money is always an issue. Ana will have to take more time off of work then planned and drive more than an hour each way after she is discharged from the hospital to see her daughter. Of course, no amount of money matters when it comes to your child, but it adds more stress to an already stressful situation. Please pray for this new little family. For health, reassurance, peace, and safekeeping.

The next person on my list is also a co-worker. Her sister has just been diagnosed with breast cancer and needs to have a lumpectomy done. This has obviously been a very emotional and trying time for this family. Breast cancer is a horrible disease. Ask any woman what their greatest fear is and I would bet you that a large amount would be breast cancer. After all, 1 in 8 women will get breast cancer. Please pray that the surgeons can remove the cancer, the doctors can treat the cancer, and that her recovery is smooth and quick. Please also pray that the Holy Spirit can fill her sister, her, and their family with peace and healing.

There is a person I know that will remain anonymous due to nature of this problem. His/her teen daughter is dealing with depression, thoughts of suicide, and cutting themselves. This poor girl feels worthless. She's teased and bullied in school. She has had to be admitted to the hospital twice for extended stays because of this. I cannot tell you how close to my heart this issue is. Writing about it brings tears to my eyes. NOBODY should ever feel like they are better off dead! This girl is an amazing, sweet, generous, beautiful girl. Please pray for her. Pray for self-confidence, pride, worth, happiness... Pray for the bullies that make her feel this way. That they will know what the consequences of their actions are, how they can bring someone down so low. Pray for her family. That they can surround her with love. They can have the strength to do what is best for her even when it's hard. That they can be understanding and non judgemental of her, support her.

I know the power of prayer and I trust in the Lord with all my heart. I ask that you pray with me for these people.

“Who walks in darkness and has no light? Let him trust in the name of the Lord and rely upon His God.” (Isaiah 50:10)

I was so excited to go to the Mall of America with Kenny today. We shopped at the store "American Girl". I LOVED American Girl when I was little. For those of you that don't know, they are dolls based off of historical fiction books. My favorite girls were "Felicity" and "Addy". In the summer of '95, I worked my butt off to buy a Just Like Me doll with red hair and brown eyes. In those days, (like it was forever ago!!!) The dolls had to have bangs and no freckles. Walking around today, they had all different hairstyles and freckles! Talk about being jealous! I told Kenny that if we have a daughter, I will spoil her with "American Girl" dolls! I can't wait to go back and buy my doll (which I still do have) a new outfit and get her hair done at the doll beauty salon they have there:)

We went to the movie "How to Train Your Dragon" 3-D. It was a great movie. It's one of those that as soon as it comes out on DVD, I will buy it. Kenny said it is his new favorite movie. I was worried I wouldn't like it after all the hype it received, but I was dead wrong.

We stopped at Game Stop before we headed home and found a game for the wii that I had wanted and it was on sale! Mario and Sonic Olympic games. It's 12:30p.m. by my clock and we just finished playing it. It was great. Kenny kicked my butt on most things, but I still cleaned him out on a few things:)

Our anniversary was perfect. One of Kenny's and I first dates was to an arcade. I knew it was meant to be between us when I seen we both had the same ducky bathroom sets! We are two grown kids. Our time together is spent shopping for toys, playing in arcades, and being adult children! A saying comes to mind when I think of us. "Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional."

Two years being married to Kenny have flown by. I know I don't tell him enough how much he means to me, how much I love him, and what a great person he is. But he means the world to me. And I love him so much, I feel like I'm going to burst at the seams with it! As for being a great person, you just have to know him to know the truth in that statement. Happy 2 year Aniversary, Kenny:)

I'm going to apologize right away if my writings tonight don't make any sense! I have had a very busy week and my brain officially shut down about eight o'clock this morning. I worked a regular eight hour shift Monday and Tuesday. (For me, that shift starts at 2:30 p.m. and goes until 11 p.m., in case your wondering.) By the time I get home, unwind, and visit with my husband, I don't get to sleep til about 1-1:30 a.m. I then worked a double shift on Wednesday, punching in at 6:15a and punching out at 11p. This morning, I again had to get up early (at 7 a.m.) to go to the Shriner's Circus with my three nephews and my sister. Tomorrow, it's alarm clock time yet again so that I will be awake when my friend Rhea drops her little girl, Sylvia, off at 8:30 a.m. for me to watch until around 3:30 p.m. Just typing all of this makes me tired!

For anyone that knows me, they know I LOVE SLEEP!!! I can easily sleep 10 to 12 hours a day and be perfectly fine with that. I'm one of those people that dreams a lot. There is not a night that goes by that I don't have at least one dream, but more like three or four! And I usually remember them well. My dreams are amazingly vivid, and can seem so real that I wake up mad at Kenny for doing something in my dream! (Sorry Kenny) So these past few nights, when my shut eye only averaged 4 hours a night, were very difficult for me. I wake up looking forward to going back to sleep!

I had a blast at the circus today with Nick, Alex, Chirs, and Jen. I have never been to the circus before and I don't really care for clowns. Pennywise, from Steven King's "IT", ruined it for me! It wasn't about the show, though, that made the day. It was the realization of how lucky I am to be able to take part in these activities with my nephews. I was able to go to "Disney on Ice" and "Thomas the Tank Engine: Under the Big Tent" with them this past year. I know there is a reason Kenny and I haven't been blessed with children yet, and this is it. I get to spend time with, spoil, and dote on the children in my life right now. If I had one or two of my own, I wouldn't have the flexibility to do this stuff. God truly does have perfect timing. Anyway- back to the circus! I've seen the bears that ride bikes and motorcycles in the movies, but I never thought they actually would at a circus! It was so cute... especially the girl bear's outfit:) The elephants looked worse for the wear and it made me wonder if the animal activist's were right to boycott them in captivity. It was amazing watching the acrobats and gymnasts. There was a guy that did the closing show that incredible. He rode in a wheel (think- hamster wheel) connected to a pendulum. There were a couple of close calls when he almost fell off, but I choose to believe they were a part of the act to make us think he was doing "death defying" acts! I really hope he was for his sake, anyway!

Tomorrow, I get to babysit one of my favorite little girls and someone I regard as family. Sylvia is, for all intents and purposes, my niece. She is a very special little 9 month old beauty. Sylvia was adopted at 3 months by two very good friends of mine, Rhea and Mike. However, I was blessed to know her as Friday when she was only a few days old. Mike and Rhea adopted Sylvia from my (half) sister's half sister. Confusing? I know. I come from a very blended family! Reba became pregnant at 15 and made one of the most mature and hardest decision of her life. I honestly cannot say I would have been able to do what she did, and for that, she has my utmost respect. She decided that Sylvia would have a more thriving environment with someone else. As I said before, God has perfect timing. Rhea and Mike were just starting to consider adoption as an alternative to starting their family when Reba started thinking about "giving Friday up." ( I really don't like that term. She didn't "give her up". She did the most loving thing a mother can do... she did what was best for her baby regardless of her wants!) Kenny and I approached Mike and Rhea one evening with the intent of bring this subject up and of this very special girl that needed a loving home. The road was not and still is not smooth for this all to happen. The adoption is in it's final stages and, hopefully, by Sylvia's first birthday, will be official. Prayers on the matter are deeply appreciated! We love the time we get to spend with her. Kenny is infatuated with her and every time we see her or are able to babysit her, Kenny is in his glory. There are many reasons I'm madly in love with my husband. This is one of them. He is astounding with children. Especially our many nephew's and nieces!

When I got home from today's activities, I planned on taking a nap. The day was to perfect to warrant such a thing. My Jeep needed a good cleaning after the long winter and Chowzer needed a walk. I dusted, washed windows, and vacuumed out my vehicle. I was only able to go around the terrace with Chowzer. Tomorrow, I may need to break out the pressure washer. I might cave and go to the car wash, though! It's a lot easier:)

My days have seemed like 36 hour days. I give big kudos to all of you who have children, work, school, etc. to fill your days. I don't know how you do it without being exhausted every night when you go to sleep. I pray that you have restful nights, alert days, energy to conquer what you need to, and the wisdom to know what can be put off or cancelled all together!

I wonder how many people actually think about the meaning behind Easter... What does the word "resurrection" mean to you? Do you look forward to this holiday thinking about the beginning of spring, baskets filled with chocolate, bunnies, and pastel dresses? Or do you think about promises kept, salvation, eternal life? Easter is my favorite holiday. More meaningful then Christmas. After all, what importance would Jesus' birth have without the life giving sacrifice of His death?? It is the fulfillment of scripture.

The older I get, the more I cherish the thought of Jesus, Lamb of God, the ultimate sacrifice. Maybe it's because I'm closer to death, more in need of His saving grace. Or maybe it's because I truly know my sinful nature and the need for atonement. Maybe, yet, it's because I'm so thankful we have the chance at eternal life, eternal families. Some people think I'm suicidal when I talk about my hopes for "death". I am not afraid to die. Sometimes, I'm darn right giddy at the thought. What greater reward for life then to die and be BORN AGAIN in Christ?! The homecoming I will have. The homecoming you will have! Those moments here on earth that are so perfect they bring tears to my eyes, that is what heaven will be. The joy, peace, contentment you feel. It fills you from head to foot. That is what it will be like ALL THE TIME!!! Can you imagine? We have that to look forward because Jesus died on the cross for us. He was buried. Three days later, HE ROSE AGAIN IN FULFILLMENT OF THE SCRIPTURE! It was a promise kept. Saving grace in it's truest form...

I was lucky enough to have Easter off this year. I was able to spend Saturday at my Aunt Heidi's with a small part of the family. I brought my nephews, Alex, Nick, and Chris, with me. It was a good time of fellowship for my family. Unfortunately, it was also the first real gathering since my grandpa joined the ranks of saints. I will swear I felt his presence sitting around the table with us. I could see him. Shoulders slightly hunched, glasses on, coffee in a mug between both hands with his wedding band gleaming. I could hear his Swiss/German accent. This was the perfect time to contemplate the meaning of Easter. Without it, I could kiss seeing my grandpa ever again goodbye. This holiday reminds me that, no matter what, we will be reunited again.

The kids all got to hunt for Easter eggs which my aunts Heidi & Kristie, my cousin Hannah & I filled and hid. It was so funny to watch one see an egg and run for it and all the other kids would follow to see if there were more in that area. It was great to see that one of the older kids would find an egg and offer it to one of the younger kids that didn't have as many eggs in their baskets. I have a truly wonderful and thoughtful family.

Today, I was able to spend Easter with my sister and her family. We had another egg hunt followed by a scrumptious meal. Then we played Mario Party 8 with my nephews. They are really good gamers. It doesn't matter they are only five. They will kick your butt at these games! Then we went to Kenny's aunt Chrissy's for a bit. Most people were gone by the time we made it, but we got to visit with a few. It's hard to try and divide your time fairly between two families, but we do try our best. Especially because both Kenny and I work weekends and holidays!

Easter evening is winding down. I'm at my computer, blogging, and Kenny is at his playing video games. We are very blessed with all that God has given us. We pray that our family and friends feel His blessings this Easter. Happy Spring and hope the rebirth of all the things around you inspire you!